HAHAHAHAHA Why am I doing this to myself
WARNING: Mentions of abuseand self-harm/suicidal thoughts. Do not read if you are sensitive to these topics
Sometimes you meet an angel
———-
Click for artist
Please follow reference
Even if we both break down tonight
And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry
I know everything will be alright
I’ll be here waiting, I promise I’m changing
I just need
“I hate you Cinn! I hate you, okay! HATE YOU.”
“No you don’t, okay, you just LOST CONTROL. AGAIN.”
”Have a horrible night.”
——
“Cinn? I’m sorry about last night. I love you, okay?”
“I’m sorry too, Chid. I love you too, always and forever.
A little time to show you I'm worth it
I know that I can be a difficult person
I'm a stress case, drive you up the wall when I’m workin'
Actually, I'm probably worse when I'm not, you don't deserve it
| Orchid | |
|---|---|
| |
| Art | Verglas |
| Code | Cloud |
| Background | |
| Creator | Sby, design by Moonmoon |
| Main Attribute | Difficult, stressed |
| Elemental Attribute | Darkness |
| Theme Animal | Orchid Mantis |
| Theme Color | Pink and gold |
| Theme Song | (personal) (ship)
|
| MBTI Personality | MBTI-A/T (The 'Type) |
| Character | |
| Age | 26 (hy) |
| Gender | Female |
| Orientation | Biromantic ace |
| Occupation | Self-employed |
| Nicknames | Chid |
| Tribe | BeetleWing |
| Goal | Stay with her lover as long as she can |
| Residence | Pantala |
| Relatives | Tba |
| Allies | Tba |
| Enemies | Her own mind |
| Likes | Tbd |
| Dislikes | Tbd |
| Powers and abilities | Stinging silk |
| Weapons | Claws, teeth, silk |
| Ships | Orchibarri (Orchid X Cinnibari) |
| Quote | "I’m a mess, but I love you. Please don’t leave me." |
Appearance
Don’t go, I need you
Orchid is indeed a BeetleWing, but one near the end of their time, just before her bloodline breaks into that of the HiveWings, her body almost entirely that of the tribe. The only part of her that isn’t HiveWing is her head, elegant and sprouting butterfly antennae. Two pairs of wings sprout from her back, clear like those of a fly, not those of a butterfly. She’s rather thin, but starting to build up more with Cinnibari’s guidance.
The other SilkWing part clinging on is evident in her coloration. Orchid has lemonade pink mainscales that coat her from head to tail. Not bright, just there. She has darker pink scales under these, mixed with a touch of purple. These seperate the lemonade pink from her golden-brown underbelly. It looks like a not-quite-finished-toasting marshmallow. The top of her head is a pale sandy colour, like the edges of a beach away from the water.
The same sandy colour leaves a few streaks on her cheek, like she took her talons and painted them on. The front of her limbs is steel blue, and her topscales pale lavender. Her spines are caramel brown, running down her back.
Orchid wears a necklace with a single purple gem cut into a diamond, attached to a buttery-coloured chain, around her neck. It was given to her as an anniversary gift from her lover and saviour, a beautiful LeafWing. She also wears a flowing white transparent ribbon, attached at the same place as the necklace.
She has soil-brown eyes, eyes that almost never smile, except when she truly remembers how much she loves the LeafWing she agreed to get together with years ago, the one who saved her life when she gave up. The same applies to her expression, usually serious, or angry when she bursts out.
Make you nervous 'cause you know I'ma break soon
Every time I do, I say somethin' that hurts you
Actin’ like I’m gone, but we both in the same room
I don't like to be wrong, which I know you relate to
Personality
You make me less stressed, and I’m so grateful
- Stressed out
- Difficult to be around
- Disagreeable
- Constantly worrying
- Wracked with anxiety
- Scared to fully commit
- Tries to hide her feelings but they can build up
- Eventually they burst out
- Vulnerable
- Passionate
- Makes lots of mistakes
- Outbursts
- Can become distant
- Overthinker
- Cares about her gf and hates how much she hurts her
And I know I make you feel like you’re at the end of your rope
That's when I look at you and tell you I'd be better alone
Just the pride talkin', isn’t it? 'Cause both of us know
I'm the definition of "wreck" if you look into my soul
History
I’m both amazed and delighted that we’re together
When Orchid hatched, she was unwanted. Both of her parents had wanted a son, someone who could keep them alive by working in the forests. Most parents tried to hide their dislike but failed, or at least just dealt with what they had. Orchid’s parents did neither. They made their dislike painfully obvious, verbally abusing and belittling her for not being what they wanted. They made her know she wasn’t wanted.
It never went further than words, but just the verbal abuse scarred her. Orchid never had a chance to be a happy kid, as the words her parents spoke pounded in her brain wherever she went. Her parents told her she was stupid and weak, and she’d never be loved by anyone. It made her afraid to try and make friends, because she believed the others would hate her too.
Positive emotions were buried as stress, anxiety, vulnerability, and fear of those around her began to seep in. Unfortunately, these feelings were strongest at night, when she was trying to sleep. This made her afraid to sleep, afraid of the dreams. Now she was sleeping only a few hours every night, and it was taking a toll on her health.
She could hardly concentrate in school, because she was functioning on only a few hours of sleep each night. When she didn’t understand something, she was afraid to ask, worried that the others would think she was stupid. She could have been a great student if she tried, but she didn’t bother to. Her grades were never very good, just getting enough c pluses to pass. Unfortunately, this just led to more abuse, due to her lack of effort.
When something bad happened, she had no one to turn to for support, no one to dry her tears. The sadness and anger built up as she tried to bury them deep, ignore them, and suddenly she was having outbursts in the middle of the school day. Deep bags were appearing under her eyes, and she was constantly falling asleep at school. She spoke to the counsellor, but she was too terrified to tell her the truth. Word got out that she’d spoken to the counsellor, and she started hearing whispers of ‘weirdo’ and ‘freak’ while she was at school. Once she realized she was bi, she tried to forget about it. Force it away, because they would think she was even weirder
She had no safe place, not home, not school. Everywhere there was pain, fear, and hopelessness. So she fell into a downward spiral, hating herself even more. She started to cut her wrists with her claws, feeling she deserved the pain. Her brain turned against her, and she started to think of making herself disappear. No one would miss her, and she wouldn’t have to suffer such a horrible life. She wouldn’t have to suffer life at all.
One day near the end of her schooling, after faking sick to go to the nurse, she reached for a bottle of pills, and she almost did it. The nurse had to go somewhere, and she’d told her she could take as long as needed. She almost ended her life, but something stopped her. As she whispered, “Goodbye cruel world,” suddenly she felt a talon on her wrist. She hissed and turned, and there was a LeafWing standing there. She had shock in her eyes.
“Don’t do that,” she gasped. “I know what you’re trying to do. Don’t do it. Please.”
Orchid just glared at her, then suddenly burst out, “WHY? WHY NOT? So you can continue to laugh at me, so I can continue to be hated everywhere I go? Who even are you?”
The LeafWing, a dragoness she remembered was named Cinnibari, sputtered, “I never laughed at you. I just watched. And that’s worse. But that was because I was scared.”
Orchid shoved her away. “Go away. Just let me do it. Let me leave this world, idiot. No one will miss me.”
As she reached to try again, she heard her tiny whisper. “I will.”
Orchid turned and looked at her, and she said again, “I will miss you, Orchid, because I...” she looked down at the floor. “Maybe I shouldn’t even say this.” Then she steeled her gaze and said, “Because I love you.”
Orchid laughed, a dark laugh, but one tinged with shock. “No you don’t. You don’t love me. You hardly know me.”
Cinnibari grabbed her arm and replied, “Maybe I don’t love you in the way you’re thinking. It’s more, I want to love you for real. I’ve had a crush on you for a long time, and it will destroy me if you leave. Please, give yourself a chance. Give us a chance. If you don’t like girls...”
Orchid didn’t let her finish. The LeafWing actually looked like she would be destroyed if she went through with it. Like she actually cared. “Why?” was all she said. “Why do you love me? I’m a loser.”
“You’re beautiful, and powerful, and you never let the bullies get to you. Maybe you do, but you never show it. I’ve noticed it. You may be hurt by them, and maybe there’s something else. You don’t have to tell me, or anyone, just... just put them down. The pills. Please.”
She didn’t know how Cinnibari did it, but she put down the pills and fell into her arms, sobbing. Suddenly the nurse came rushing in and saw them. Cinnibari made up an excuse and the nurse let them leave, and ‘go home.’ But they didn’t go home, they just walked. They talked only a little, but to Orchid, they may as well have been talking non-stop. At first they just walked next to each other, occasionally brushing limbs, until Cinnibari reached out and tried to clutch her talon. She froze up for a second, then gripped tight to the talon of the dragoness who had saved her life. Saved her from herself.
It seemed that Cinnibari always made the first move. They never stopped until she did. They walked straight until she changed direction. They walked in silence until she spoke.
“Orchid, promise me you’ll never do that again.”
She ignored her, her heart and head still pounding from what she had just been about to do only an hour ago. Cinnibari spoke her name, softly at first, then louder and angrier, until she finally looked over.
“Promise me you’ll never try to do something like that again,” she pleaded, but it wasn’t really a plea. It was an order. “Promise me, Orchid. Promise me. Don’t do it.”
She promised Cinnibari. She did, and tried her hardest to mean it. Maybe she did. Now she knew someone would miss her, that someone cared. That changed a lot. Maybe if she’d known earlier, she would have never even tried.
School was still hard, and home even harder. Now, though, she had a light to lead her through the darkness. A dragoness who she could always count on to smile at her when she felt at her worst.
Still, she was a wreck. She still broke down sometimes, still burst out in the middle of class, still had to go to the counsellor, even though she hardly helped. She was still laughed at, talked about behind her back. Life was better, but life was still horrible. She had abuse coming from all directions, all directions but one: Cinn's.
They stayed together all through school, despite their obvious issues that they couldn't seem to accept. Once they were out of school, they moved in together, which made everything both way better and way worse.
Comes out the most when I feel I'm in a vulnerable place
Made a lot of mistakes I wish I knew how to erase
When I'm afraid, might get distant and I push you away
But no matter the case, I'ma do whatever it takes even if—
Relationships
I’m sorry I can’t be the perfect girlfriend
Cinnibari: They have a rocky relationship but Orchid truly loves her
Parents: Haven’t spoken in ages, Orchid hates them
Sky: Her old pet parrot, Orchid misses her every day
Even if we both break down tonight
And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry
I know everything will be alright
I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing
I just need…
Trivia
I don’t know about you, but I’d die for you
Time (Oh)
I, I need time (Oh, oh)
I just need time (Oh)
I, I need time (Oh)
Time (Oh), time (Oh)
Gallery
You don’t deserve me, but I adore you
